Friends praised for banning new mum from bringing baby to social events

Being the first parent in a friendship group can be an isolating experience, yet a group of twentysomethings have been praised for excluding a new mum and her baby from their circle.

One of the disgruntled friends, 24, explained that her friend, Anna, also 24, had a baby six months ago. They used to hang out regularly, but the dynamics of the friendship group started to shift when ‘Anna wanted to bring the baby everywhere with her’.

Apparently, Anna can’t bear to leave the baby at home with her boyfriend or babysitter.

‘We tried to plan things around the baby to include Anna, but it always ended up badly,’ the friend wrote on Reddit. ‘We shouldn’t drink, ’cause Anna can’t drink. We shouldn’t be loud, ’cause the baby needs to sleep.

‘Icing on the cake is her baby is extremely fussy and cries all the time. It was just a downer for rest of us. So we started hanging out without Anna and her baby.’

Things came to a head when the friends went on a staycation together without inviting Anna, then posted the pictures on Instagram.

Unsurprisingly, she saw the snaps and asked why she hadn’t been invited.

‘I tried telling her it was a last minute plan and we could only find a childfree resort so as to not hurt her feelings. She called my bluff sending me pics some random family had posted with kids at the resort,’ the friend said.

‘She kept forcing me and I told her we did not want to hang out with her baby. She asked how can I say that about her baby.

‘I asked her to leave it at that but she wouldn’t. I finally told her its a baby and we are all young. We don’t want to live our life around a baby she chose to have.’

Ouch.

The friendship group is now divided, with some believing the friend handled the situation badly, while others thought the truth slap was unavoidable.

The poster asked whether she was in the wrong and overwhelmingly, commenters on Reddit were on her side.

‘Her life is different, and she probably just needs to find a different set of friends, one that more closely aligns with her interests,’ one person said.

Another added: ‘You have every right to want to be young and act like it. She needs to accept that having a baby has changed things for her but that doesn’t mean everyone else has to change everything to accommodate that.’

Others agreed, but suggested ways to compromise so the new mum wasn’t left completely out in the cold.

‘As a friend, suggest she finds some mummy groups. She will meet mums that she can relate to in a way that you and your friend group cannot. Also if you all want to maintain the friendship perhaps have one baby friendly get together every month or every other month or perhaps ask her if a family member can babysit every so often so she can meet you guys for brunch or dinner,’ one person said.

‘She chose to have a baby and that baby is now her responsibility. It is an unfair and entitled expectation that her friends need to tailor their behavior for her kid. Life does not work like that.’

How to bridge the gap with your child-free friends

Having a baby is a life-changing experience, but you can’t expect child-free friends to want to talk nappies and night feeds all the time.

In order to protect your friendships, the NCT recommends not being ‘too blinkered’.

‘No-one will blame you for being quite self- and family-centred for a little while when your child is tiny. Yet at some point, you do have to remember to ask friends questions about their lives too. Your friend will only want to get involved in your life if you still take an interest in theirs,’ it says.

‘So remember what your friend has been up to, try and send cards on important days and head out for lunch with them without baby when you can for one-to-one time. It could give you both perspective on the highs and lows of your own lives.’

Another way to get friends on side is to focus on the new opportunities you have to hang out – instead of what you’ve lost. Swap cocktails for a walk somewhere new while the baby is asleep, or invite a pal to swimming. You’ll be surprised how many people enjoy embracing their inner child.

Source: Read Full Article