DEAR DEIDRE: SEX with my ex was off the scale but it made me feel so cheap afterwards.
My husband is an amazing guy. He’s 37 and sports mad. At the weekends, if he’s not cycling or running, he’s rock-climbing or hiking with his mates.
I’m not involved in all this as I’m a stay-at-home mum with two kids. I like my puzzles and soaps and I go out on a Friday night with other mums and we share a bottle of wine or two. I’m 35.
I was out with the mums a month ago when I ran into an ex in a club. It was great to see him.
He had tidied up his act. With his neat haircut and sharp image I almost didn’t recognise him.
We had been out together in our 20s and he is now 34 and still single. We split up because he got into drugs, and that’s not my scene. But he looks amazing now, fit and healthy.
We chatted and when I got home he sent me a text saying, “You look incredible. I never really got over you. Fancy a coffee?”
I became fixated on going to see him and, as it happened, my husband was going away the following Friday and the kids were having a sleepover at my mum’s.
My ex and I arranged to meet for a drink in a quiet bar and then we had dinner.
He walked me back home and, by then, I’d had a few drinks and he came in for a nightcap.
He kissed me and the memories came flooding back. We had sex.
His touch made me come alive and I kept thinking how boring my sex life is with my husband. When I went to pick the kids up the next morning I felt disgusted with myself.
What was I thinking of, cheating on my husband?
My ex wants to meet up again. I’m flattered. He goes to the gym but he’s not obsessed with sport like my husband is. Should I go or am I just being selfish?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t go. He knows you’re married and he feels safe in the expectation that you’re not going to expect anything from him other than quickie sex, but this is only going one way and somebody will get hurt.
Everyone has to work at long-term relationships. If your husband is taking you for granted and not giving you the attention you need, then you should tell him.
Explain that you are happy he does his sports but there should be a family/life balance. He should be channelling his energy into you and his children, too.
If you want to be taken out once a fortnight, then say. If you want to spice up your sex life, then make some suggestions about what you can do.
My e-leaflet Your Relationship MOT can help you revive your love and passion together.
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