I let my wife keep her maiden name but shes refusing to let our son have mine

A parent on Reddit has split opinions after stating that he refused to let his son have his wife’s surname or even double barrel them.

The anonymous bloke, aged 32, shared his dilemma in the Am I the A**hole forum, and asked if he was wrong for refusing to compromise with his wife, 30.

She wanted to give their son both of their surnames and comes from a culture where women “get to keep” their maiden names after marriage.

The dad said that keeping her name wasn’t an issue when they got married, but that his family had argued against it.

He said that the decision “made my family somewhat unhappy saying it was disrespectful of her to keep her maiden name but thankfully they got over it and things got better and we reconciled later.”

Then, they found out they were having a baby boy.

The bloke said: “I sat with my wife down and told her that my son is going to get my last name and explained so that there's no confusion.

“But she disagreed and said no and came up with a compromise which was that our son gets both our last names."

The father declined that option and told his wife "how awkward and confusing and just complicated that would be”.

He added: "Not to mention the middle name so that would be a long name but she said I should consider since my last name will still be there but I said no and told her we'll just have to go with what most families here do and is going by the father's last name."

Apparently, his wife then “threw a fit” and called him “selfish” while saying that he was “treating her as if she as a mother gets less or no say.”

He added: “But I reminded her that she got to keep her maiden name and so we’re even.

“She then argued that I was mixing two things that are unrelated and was holding the fact she got to keep her maiden over her head though it was her right to do that same with deciding what surname our son will have.”

He said he would not be compromising on the name due to his family’s likely reaction upon hearing their grandchild did not have the family surname.

The dad said: “She got upset and refused to talk to me after that calling me selfish and a dictator and a 'minion' for my family even though I'm just looking out for our son's best interest and keeping them in mind.

"I just think she's being deliberately stubborn here. but I'm not sure. Am I the a***hole?"

Unfortunately for him, lots of people took his wife’s side.

One person said that he made a mistake in telling his wife what they would be doing instead of discussing it with her.

They added: “That's as far as one has to read to decide YTA (you're the a***hole). The rest of it just makes it worse.”

While another commenter said: “The decision has to be mutual. It seems unilateral and it doesn’t reflect your mutual wants and needs. It reads as you decided for both of you – you set a fact and she has to comply.

“You think you can veto her because you're a man.”

And, a third wrote: “Who is he to dictate what surname the child gets? If anything, she should be the one deciding since she's carried that child for nine months. Double barrelled or her name.”

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Others pointed out that he kept saying “my son” instead of “our son”.

A commenter added: “OP's wife seems to be an incubator and nothing else. I didn't see the slightest amount of affection in this whole horrible [misogynous] pamphlet."

But, some Reddit users sympathised with the man’s point of view and his dislike of very long names.

But another got almost 10,000 likes on her comment, where she said: “Oof, Henry VIII, she didn't 'get' to keep anything. She is a grown woman who chose to keep her name instead of bow down to your ego.

“Get over yourself. She is your equal, your partner and wife, not your subject. Your son is not an extension of that ego. He is a separate human.”

What do you think should happen in this situation? Tell us in the comments…

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