“In the massive scaling back, I got massively scaled,” Colbert said of being cut from the former president’s guest list because of coronavirus concerns.
By Trish Bendix
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Stephen Colbert opened “The Late Show” on Monday with a story of “being disinvited from the cool kid’s party” that was former President Barack Obama’s 60th birthday on Martha’s Vineyard over the weekend.
“Here’s the thing — a hot ticket is what it was, but given the whole pandemic thing and the Delta variant, a celebrity mosh pit was maybe not the wisest choice, so Obama decided to scale back the guest list for his party,” Colbert explained.
Colbert said there were reports claiming that fellow late-night hosts Conan O’Brien and David Letterman, Colbert’s predecessor, had been axed from the guest list, but that he made the cut.
“Yeah, I mean, it makes sense — I am known to fill in when Letterman drops out of something.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Colbert clarified that while he had planned to attend the party, “In the massive scaling back, I got massively scaled.”
“By the way, Mr. Former President, my own 60th birthday is coming up in three years, and you, sir, are not … going to want to miss it. Please come. I’d be so honored if you came. I’ll scale me back to make room for you — and Michelle, obviously.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Tokyo 2021 Edition)
“The 2020 Tokyo Olympics ended yesterday, and the U.S. athletes brought home 39 gold medals, 41 silvers, 33 bronze and four new variants.” — SETH MEYERS
“Well, last night was the closing ceremony for the 2020 Tokyo Olympics which, because of Covid, were actually held in 2021, which means it’s only three more years until the 2024 Olympics are postponed to 2027.” — SETH MEYERS
“I hope you enjoyed them, because with global warming, even the Winter Olympics will soon be the Summer Olympics.” — DAVID SPADE, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”
“But it was a magical two weeks. Night after night, Americans gathered around the TV to see the events where we already saw who won on Twitter.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Now that the Games are done, the only place for an athlete to get herpes in a foreign country is on ‘Bachelor in Paradise.’” — DAVID SPADE
“Now if you want to witness physical excellence, you’ll have to watch a flight attendant duct tape a drunk guy to his seat.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
David Spade poked fun at Monday night’s finale of “The Bachelorette” while guest hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Barbra Streisand will pop by “The Tonight Show” on Tuesday.
Also, Check This Out
On this week’s Popcast, The New York Times’s pop music team discusses the musical and personal evolution of the Grammy-winning chart-topper Billie Eilish.
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