Serena Williams went into therapy following last year’s US Open debacle

Serena Williams covers the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar, and wow, this whole thing is epic. First, Serena asked that the magazine not retouch her photos, so we see Serena look like herself and not some cartoon. The cover story is bare as well – instead of interviewing Serena, the magazine gave her the space to write an essay about sexism and racism and all the sh-t that went down at last year’s US Open. I think Serena probably wanted to get this out of the way before this year’s US Open, where she’ll obviously have a lot of emotions (good and bad). I feel sick to my stomach whenever I think about what went down in last year’s women’s final in New York, and it was clear that Serena was upset about it for hours, days, weeks and months afterwards. In this Bazaar essay, Serena talks about just how upset she was, and how she wrote an apology to Naomi Osaka, and how she went into therapy afterwards. You can read the full piece here. An excerpt:

… Fast-forward to September 2018. It’s the final of the US Open, and I’m competing to win my 24th Grand Slam against Naomi Osaka. It’s the beginning of the second set, and the umpire thinks he spots my coach signaling me from the stands. He issues a violation—a warning. I approach him and emphatically state the truth: that I wasn’t looking at my coach. “I don’t cheat to win. I’d rather lose,” I said. I walk back to the court and lose the next point. I smash my racket in frustration; he issues another violation and gives a point to my opponent. I feel passionately compelled to stand up for myself. I call him a thief; I again demand an apology. I tell him he is penalizing me for being a woman. He responds by issuing a third violation and takes a game from me. In the end, my opponent simply played better than me that day and ended up winning her first Grand Slam title. I could not have been happier for her. As for me, I felt defeated and disrespected by a sport that I love—one that I had dedicated my life to and that my family truly changed, not because we were welcomed, but because we wouldn’t stop winning.

After the Open, I returned home to Florida. Every night, as I would try to go to sleep, unresolved questions ran through my mind in a never-ending loop: How can you take a game away from me in the final of a Grand Slam? Really, how can you take a game away from anyone at any stage of any tournament? I turn over, exhausted from lack of sleep, thoughts still spinning in my head. Why can’t I express my frustrations like everyone else? If I were a man, would I be in this situation? What makes me so different? Is it because I’m a woman? I stop myself to avoid getting worked up.

…So often, in situations similar to mine, when men fight back against the referees, they’re met with a smile or even a laugh from the umpire, as if they’re sharing an inside joke. I’m not asking to avoid being penalized. I am asking to be treated the same way as everyone else. Sadly, that’s simply not the world we currently live in.

Days passed, and I still couldn’t find peace. I started seeing a therapist. I was searching for answers, and although I felt like I was making progress, I still wasn’t ready to pick up a racket. Finally I realized that there was only one way for me to move forward. It was time for me to apologize to the person who deserved it the most. I started to type, slowly at first, then faster as if the words were flowing out of me.

“Hey, Naomi! It’s Serena Williams. As I said on the court,I am so proud of you and I am truly sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing in sticking up for myself. But I had no idea the media would pit us against each other. I would love the chance to live that moment over again. I am, was, and will always be happy for you and supportive of you. I would never, ever want the light to shine away from another female, specifically another black female athlete. I can’t wait for your future, and believe me I will always be watching as a big fan! I wish you only success today and in the future. Once again, I am so proud of you. All my love and your fan, Serena.”

When Naomi’s response came through, tears rolled down my face. “People can misunderstand anger for strength because they can’t differentiate between the two,” she said graciously. “No one has stood up for themselves the way you have and you need to continue trailblazing.”

It was in this moment that I realized the real reason the US Open was so hard for me to get over: It wasn’t because of the backlash I faced but rather because of what had happened to the young woman who deserved so much more in her special moment. I had felt that it was my fault and that I should have kept my mouth closed. But now, seeing her text putting everything in perspective, I realized she was right.

This incident—though excruciating for us to endure—exemplified how thousands of women in every area of the workforce are treated every day. We are not allowed to have emotions, we are not allowed to be passionate. We are told to sit down and be quiet, which frankly is just not something I’m okay with. It’s shameful that our society penalizes women just for being themselves.

[From Harper’s Bazaar]

The whole thing is just… profoundly sad. I watched that match live and as everything was unfolding, I felt genuine panic that no one was going to be able to hold it together – not Serena, not Naomi, not the full house on Arthur Ashe Stadium, most of whom were booing the umpire Carlos Ramos, who chose to make HIMSELF the center of attention, no matter what people say about it in retrospect. He chose to “punish” Serena for the crime of being upset, for saying he should apologize, for being “emotional.”

Also: Serena just won a barnburner of a quarterfinal WHEW.

—@serenawilliams on why she’ll never regret using her voice to speak out against injustice:

— Harper's Bazaar (@harpersbazaarus) July 9, 2019

Cover and photo courtesy of Harper’s Bazaar.

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